Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Day Sixteen: Goodbye. Au Revoir. Totsiens. Sala Kahle.

Why do we do it if we know at the end we are going to have to say goodbye? We share such a beautiful part of our lives, but then we have to part ways; close the chapter and move on.

Emotions are up, down, to the side, in the air, as days flash passed and the end comes closer. Today was the last day of classes for many and there was a sense of relief in the air but something else caught me unawares. Butterflies had stopped flying around my stomach, as my EU essay was handed back to me. My last class was over and it was time to go. And then, there, it hit me...
My last class. My last class at Bishops University. I was sad. Strange how I could be sad leaving a class of familar faces but mostly people who I never knew well. I would never see some of these people again, who I have seen twice a week for the last three months. We were each a few words in the pages filling eachother's storybooks but our stories are our own and they may never overlap again. But its closing this chapter, this chapter they had been a small part of, which is difficult and sad for me.

I have never liked saying goodbyes and it is something I have had to do a lot over the last six months. I always thought I would be the person who showed no emotion whilst the other when I burst into tears that first proper big goodbye I had to make, it came as a shock (especially because the other person was as calm as I thought I would be). It was difficult saying goodbye in Vancouver, in Calgary, in Edmonton...and there was always that desire to find some sort of distraction away from the present, or to focus on the next thing happening. Just that deep knowing that it will be a long time, before we reunite. My darling friend in Vancouver, Julie was taught to never say "goodbye" but rather "see you later." This is something she has passed on to me. Its a way of softening that miserable word, that difficult act and gives us hope. Its the type of hope which is not unattainable as I know that I will see the people, who mean a lot to me, again in the future. There is a rainbow after the rainstorm (unfortunately I can't say snowstorm here!).

But back to the familar faces in my EU class. It's just getting used to the idea of not seeing them in my every day life. The idea of not seeing, not experiencing, not eating with, not travelling with, not playing with, not celebrating special Bishops friends every day as I have the last three months. This is the reason for my sadness. It is this I will have to get used to. I know the chapter is coming to an end and there is no trying to stop it as we must let life take its course and we must follow that which is natural. So, as the first farewell parties begin and we share our last few weeks together, I must cherish the present time. I must keep the memories of the past deep within - that beauty of the things we shared and how we have effected eachothers' stories. But lastly, I must keep that hope. The hope that we shall meet again and the deep knowing that it will happen.

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